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We’ve all seen examples of some pretty bad resumes, ranging from typos to bad jokes. Here’s a list of the 40 (well, actually 42) funniest mistakes we found while browsing the web:

  • “Objective: To become Overlord of the Galaxy!”
  • “I have a lifetime’s worth of technical expertise (I wasn’t born – my mother simply chose ‘eject child’ from the special menu).”
  • “Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse”
  • “Hobbies: Enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians”
  • “Service for old man to check they are still alive or not”
  • “2001 summer Voluntary work for taking care of elderly and vegetable people”
  • “I am interested to learn more. I am working today in a furniture factory as a drawer.”
  • “I am about to enrol on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification will prove detrimental to me for future success”
  • “My experience in horticulture is well-rooted.”
  • “I have an excellent track record even though I am not a horse.”
  • “Favorite Activities: Playing trivia games. I am a repository of worthless knowledge.”
  • “Languages: Speak English and Spinach.”
  • “Skills: Strong work ethic, attention to detail, team player, self motivated, attention to detail
  • “Hobbies: Getting drunk every night down by the water, playing guitar and smoking pot”
  • “Why are you interested in this position? “To keep my parole officer from putting me back in jail”
  • “Related job skills: Can function without additional oxygen at 24,000 feet”
  • “I am a wedge with a sponge taped to it. My purpose is to wedge myself into someone’s door to absorb as much as possible.”
  • “Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”
  • “Objective: I need money because I have bills to pay and I would like to have a life, go out partying, please my young wife with gifts, and have a menu entrée consisting of more than soup.”
  • “I am very bad about time and don’t mind admitting it. Having to arrive at a certain hour doesn’t make sense to me. What does make sense is that I do the job. Any company that insists upon rigid time schedules will find me a nightmare.”
  • Special skills: “I’ve got a Ph.D. in human feelings.”
  • “I have a lifetime’s worth of technical expertise (I wasn’t born – my mother simply chose ‘eject child’ from the special menu.”
  • “I have a bachelorette degree in computers.”
  • “Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.”
  • “I eat computers for lunch.”
  • “Previous experience: Self-employed — a fiasco.”
  • “Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word ‘paranoia.’ I prefer to elaborate privately.”
  • “Extensive background in public accounting. I can also stand on my head!”
  • “Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school.”
  • “I’ll need $30K to start, full medical, three weeks vacation, stock options and ideally a European sedan.”
  • “Although I am seeking an accounting job, the fact that I have no actual experience in accounting may seem discouraging. However…”
  • “I worked here full-time there.”
  • “I’ll starve without a job but don’t feel you have to give me one.”
  • Candidate included a letter from his mother
  • Candidate stated the ability to persuade people sexually using only words
  • Candidate formatted resume as a play, including Act 1, Act 2, etc.
  • Candidate included a naked picture of himself
  • The objective on one resume stated that the applicant wished to pursue a challenging account executive position… with a rival firm
  • A candidate listed her e-mail address as pornstardelight@*****.com
  • Candidate included a head and shoulders picture in the top left of the resume. The picture was of a lion’s head, wearing a coat, shirt, and tie.
  • Candidate explained an arrest by stating “We stole a pig, but it was a really small pig.”

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